Into My Mind

I've decided that I just love men, even the vile, disgusting, lying bastards of the group. Men have many capabilities that women just don't have readily accessible.

1) a man can tell a lie as it should be told, like the truth

2) a man can allow his bodily functions to take control and have no embarrassment there of

3) a man can openly grab his crotch and no one thinks twice

4) men can do that nose blowing thing where you just hold one nostril shut and it shoots out the other

5) men can pee standing up

6) a man does not easily get his feelings hurt and would rather you be blunt and rude and get your point across, than tactful and diverting

7) men know a lot about nothing and aren't afraid to share their knowledge of the most utterly useless information

8) men have penises

9) men have a rough exterior, but are tender with the women they love

10) damn it... MEN AREN'T WOMEN

We should all take a second and admire the creation that is man. It's something we as women will never understand.

I'm not sure what order they come in anymore. Weddings and babies or Babies and weddings? I guess it doesn't matter as long as we start increasing the number of dual parent households and start decreasing the number of single parent families.

Exciting news update:
My brother gets married in 32 days!! Original goal of losing weight, crashed and burned long ago. It doesn't matter though, I won't be the one getting looked at that day. I just completed planning (well at least setting the date) for my future sister-in-law's bridal shower. I'm so proud of the invitations, I used Microsoft Publisher and created them myself. Soooo Pretty!

Babies:
J's cousin and his wife just had their first child. A little boy has entered the world and his name is Preston. I hate to say it, but I'm not a big fan of the name. He's very cute though. Long fingers, auburn hair, little everything. I haven't gotten to see him yet (except pictures) because they live in the great IN, but hopefully early this fall the kids and I will be going to visit. Also, J's other cousin, the brother of the above, just announced that they are expecting their first child. Don't have a due date yet, but probably early 2006 if I had to guess.

Congrats to all! I've done the marriage thing and have all the kids I want for now. So, I guess I'll just bask in the joys of others for the time being.

So, I took the morning off today and went with my mother-in-law and my children to the Magic House. We had alot of fun, but man was it hot in there. I'm guessing since it was crowded I should have expected it to be hot. We did the typical exhibits inside; pretend food mart, magnet games, math games, build the building out of foam blocks, etc. This summer, though, they have a special exhibit outside "Sand Castles." We stopped in and played in the sand as our last activity before leaving. Let me rephrase, the kids played while us adults sat on our big arsses under an umbrella. I took the following picture because I thought it was just a spectacular sight. They had these two gentlemen working on this amazing sand castle. Please enjoy!!

I did it, I did it, I did it, Hurrah! According to my cell phone, I did it in 48 minutes flat. I got up at 5:00am this morning was dressed, stretched, and stepped away from my doorway at 5:06am. I then walked to the local public library, stretched again, and walked home returning at 5:54am. This grand adventure made my legs feel like jello and a wonderful throb, throb sensation, but I did it! I walked 2.41 miles!!

For everyone out there that didn't think it possible, I have one thing to say...

"You suck, I rock"

I really have nothing further to say. I just felt like putting it out there; I look like a seagull.

My parents are in the process of redecorating their house. So far, one room has new carpet and four others have been repainted and are awaiting new carpet. Well, my mom has made the decision that each of us girls should help give input in the decoration of a room of our choice. One of the four rooms awaiting carpet though is the computer room and is strictly dad's. It will soon be covered in Marine Corps memorabilia again. Ah, the days of guns and camouflage.

I have decided that I want to assist with the master bedroom. This could go splendidly, or I may lose any inheritance I had coming. I felt the need to choose this room because I have a very neutral sense of style and if it were left up to my dad, mom would probably be covering herself with the Marine Corps flag at night. I love my dad and that was just a humorous jab. He would never make her sleep under a flag, he'd settle for a quilt with the globe and anchor stitched in.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted. I sent some photos of bedding today that I like and am awaiting an opinion from base camp.

So, J and I were discussing yesterday's post and low and behold; I have a website name!

Little Red Rides So Good

Heehee Heehee!

Now, I'll leave it up to you to determine if when you open this hypothetical website,

a) do you see inappropriate material?
or
b) a lot of pictures of motorcycles, cars, men, and horses?

I posted some items on EBay! and I still have three days left in my auction, but nobody wants my glasses. I posted some 7Up glasses, 5 to be exact, and 2 Pepsi glasses. As I was doing my research for the sale though, I noticed that others that have the same items, the exact same items, have received zero bids also. I guess not many people want 7Up glasses where the glass looks like it's upside-down. Oh well, I may not sell anything but I sure have bought some things. I have already had Father's Day covered for almost a month. Everything is hidden at the in-laws. I kick ass people, I can have Christmas done by September given the correct motivation and budget.

J suggested that maybe if I sold my underwear I'd make more money. Supposedly, the men in prison get lonely. How would I know?? I'm just an innocent pawn in this game.
...Don't worry mom, I'm not going to sell my underwear; worn or unworn. I may start my own website though... Nope, can't do that. I can't come up with a decent name that says look at me, but don't judge me as an object. Oh well, on to other money making ideas.

I left the recipe at work. So, we had chicken over rice. It was good.
Update on my Bridget Jones-ing... I give up!! I have not gained, I have not lost. We'll just leave the casino of life and say I broke even and be content.
Must get children dressed and make breakfast now.

I'm so sad, I laid out chicken to cook tonight and I don't know how to cook it. I'm sick of baked chicken, breaded chicken, fried chicken, chicken over rice, chicken and dumplings, teriyaki chicken. I've run out of chicken ideas. I printed a recipe from KraftFoods for almond chicken and that is what we are having. You baste your chicken with Italian dressing then cook it through, adding green beans, then serve it on cooked rice with almonds. We'll try - can't be any worse then my meatloaf concoction last night. I'm also sick of everyday hamburger dishes.

Plus, does everything taste like chicken because chicken tastes like nothing???
It's just such a bland food it works great for comparisons???

Go grandma, go, go, go
Go grandma, go, go, go

I better not hear anyone say that a woman can't be self-sufficient!

Police Say Granny...

I think this is number 4, but who really cares? I have a question and it is directed more to the TV news stations than anyone else.

Why, oh why, do you air stories that are so vague and generalized that you probably just caused a bunch of gynecologist a very busy day on the phone? or at least their nurses.

Okay, I never watch the TV news because basically it's just a bunch of bad news and really bad reporting. Well, it was on the other day when I was at my mother's house recuperating from this awful head cold. They had this news story about ovarian cancer. I understand this is a very serious subject and I'm not mocking the topic, just the reporting. Anyway, according to this news report I have come to believe that almost every woman alive could suffer from ovarian cancer, possibly some men I know too.

It's symptoms, from the news broadcast...
- bloating
check, got that
- indigestion
check, got that
- non-specific abdominal pain
check, get that on occasion
- lower back pain
well hell, I have that all the time

*side note from the broadcast - all of these symptoms can be subtle and caused by other common issues

So, how many women do you think called their OBGYN?

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! I was just completing a very long post and what happens? Internet Explorer dies! Everything...gone.

Here's a brief synopsis of what I was writing. A loves animals and is always getting hurt because he's clumsy as hell. Mo is her mother and aunt S all rolled into one and can't seem to learn that talking back just gets you in more trouble. N is cursing and looking a porn. There, I think I covered all the bases.

Big A
We went to the zoo on Monday since it was a holiday and A had a blast. He said hi and bye to every animal we saw. If an animal did something he thought was odd, we'd get a great big Uh-Oh before moving on. I'm not sure he had a favorite animal, he pretty much enjoyed them all.

Medium Mo
The girl has the attitude of her mother, but I didn't have that attitude till I was at least 14. She talks back, she screams, she grunts, she throws her toys; she get her ass beat. I am currently in possession of one black trash bag full of her toys. If she wishes not to pick them up and put them away and wishes to then chuck them across the room at me, they then become my toys. Sooner or later she'll learn that I've had way more many years experience at this game than her.

Nearly N
My boy is growing up! He's smart enough not to use his creative language skills in front of his father and me, but has yet to learn not to use them in front of his grandmother. I was just informed that my son can successfully use the word bitch in a sentence. When asked (by his grandmother) where he learned that word, he replies "from mom." I know I have the mouth of a sailor, but seriously people I try to shield my kids from it.
Porn...
J and I are members of Columbia House DVD and we signed the two oldest kids up because hey you get free DVDs with each sign-up. Obviously we did what any good parents would do. Anyway, as members we receive a monthly mailing, brochure, of new movies. This month's had an added bonus in it. I busted N on the second page of the "Adult Movie" catalog - he opted to open his envelope before J or I had a chance. I then busted him again trying to get the same catalog out of Mo's mailing. He's a boy and when he's a man he can look at as many naked women as he desires, but no seven year old of mine is going to be looking at half naked women in questionable positions under my roof. I will do my damnedest to teach him not to objectify women, I will teach him how to stare at breasts without being obvious. Maybe I should leave that to his dad, it would be weird if I were staring at breasts. Huh, must think on that for awhile.