Into My Mind

So, how would you feel if your 7 year old has discovered the art of forging someone's name? Due to some issues at school, the behavior section of N's folder must be signed off on daily by his teacher and then by us. For once my shy little boy is getting in trouble for talking. I'm not sure if I should beat him or congratulate him. Anyway, at N's school they enforce the stop light system; green is a good day, yellow is a warning, red is a caning and taunting in the public square.

N typically ends the day on green. We've had some yellows, but never a red. Last night, we had a red. He was scheduled to end the day on yellow due to two warnings about talking. Well, my child then took it upon himself to circle green in his folder and sign his teacher's name. He didn't want to get in trouble for a yellow (which is punishable by the afternoon being spent in his room) and he informed me that he thought if he signed his teacher's name, then he wouldn't have to show her his folder. This little act of kindness on his part landed him smack dab in the center of red. She really didn't appreciate his forgery one bit.

When we got home from work last night we had to sit down and have the discussion about how signing other people's names is wrong, why it's wrong, etc. I did have to point out in the nicest motherly way though...

"N did you really think that I couldn't tell the difference between your handwriting and hers?"

blah, blah, blah... don't do it again. Lying is wrong, blah, blah, blah. Let me tell you; it was one hell of a night!

You are able to run a bath, undress your 21 month old, and put him in the tub; all without leaving the toilet.

I WILL NOT GO ANY FURTHER INTO THIS CONVERSATION:

quote from yesterday evening...

"It's like riding a mechanical bull with your face"

NO, I WILL NOT GO ANY FURTHER INTO THIS CONVERSATION!

Okay the following will be a VERY embarrassing story, but way too hilarious not to share. Info needed to understand the story: if you not related to me, then you probably don't know the type of birth control I use. Yes, my dear internets, I use birth control. I may have been raised Catholic, but if you are 25 with three kids (the oldest being in second grade), you'd use birth control too.

Anyway, I used "the ring". I say used because yesterday that changed and I'm being put back on the regular standby of the pill. After 18 months on the ring, my body finally rejected it. That's the longest my body has taken to reject anything, typically after a year my body is done with you. So "the ring", it is exactly as it sounds. It is a plastic clear looking ring (kind of like those bracelets kids wear) that you insert, yes you insert, into that area for 21 days. You then remove it, have your period, put a new one in. The problem with my body, I quit having periods. Some may call this a blessing from above; me, I've only skipped 3 times, see above reason why I'm on birth control.

Now into the story...

I went to the laundry mat Sunday evening. I load all the different batches into the machines, towels in one, darks, whites, etc. I sit down, read a few chapters of my current fiction novel "The Confessor", get up, dump in the fabric softener, read some more. The loads finish and it's time to move everything to the driers. I start with the towels since they always take that longest to dry. Grab the towels, toss them into the basket with wheels, and head off to the driers. Wait a minute, something fell onto the floor. What is that? Did a bracelet end up mix with the towels? It's clear, it sure does resemble that thing inserted in me. Couldn't be, throw it in the trash. Finish all the laundry, head home, forget to tell J the story of the weird thing in the towels.

Now, as of last night, I know what that weird thing in the towels was. See, in our household you always keep something handy to clean up with afterward. Please tell me you get my drift "clean up with afterward". Well, I prefer a towel. Hand towel, bath towel, whatever is available. Please don't freak if you come to my house. It's not like it goes back on the sink to dry your hands with. Guess what that thing in the laundry mat was? It was my ring!! It must have come out after the last excursion and I didn't even realize it. How horrible is that? The gods want me pregnant. I discovered this last night when I was to remove it for my impending period. It wasn't there, but my period was. I ran down stairs, laughing hysterically, and shared my laundry mat adventure with J. He about dropped a load right there. I told him to have a good laugh and explained that now I understand why my period started last night instead Thursday.

I still swear by the ring, but have just discovered that after great exertion I'm just not very aware of what is or isn't in my body. I will now go back to trying to remember to take that little pill everyday.

Why won't the President meet with Cindy Sheehan? - because of opposable thumbs
Why is Walmart possibly suing for someone's settlement money? - because of opposable thumbs
Why are decent Catholics being excommunicated? - because of opposable thumbs
Why are celebraties sleeping with their nannies? - because of opposable thumbs

I'm telling you people, these damn thumbs are nothing but trouble. If you didn't have them, we'd still be covered in hair picking bugs off each other. We could crap where we want, eat bugs and branches, and have no fights over the all mighty dollar.

Wouldn't that be sweet?

I took my two oldest today to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I really don't care what anyone has said. I thought it was great! My kids actually prefer it to the original, but I think that's because the songs were louder and the colors brighter. I went into it, not expecting the original and it's not. They even vary the story slightly. I shouldn't say vary, I should say they expanded on certain topics not touched in the original. I love Tim Burton films and we all know my fascination with Johnny Depp. So, this was a wonderful combination for me.

Other than that, the weekend was pretty unproductive. I kept up on dishes and laundry. Watched some Stargate and O Brother Where Art Thou and pretty much lounged. It was nice, but it was also one of those weekends that could have potentially lead to household war. Watch the mines people, for no good reason you may catch the wrath of anyone!

Now it's time to check the room cleaning (the chore of tonight) and get everyone ready for school tomorrow. Talk to you all later!

Conversation on drive home yesterday...

Me: "I wonder if you can get hemorrhoids removed?"

J: "Huh?" - a caught him off guard a little

J: "I don't know about getting them removed, but you can probably have them airbrushed"

Me: "Oh yeah, I hadn't thought of that. I guess that's possible since none of the girls in porn seem to have them." - both of us are laughing hysterically at this point

J: "I wonder how they shave down there?"

Me: "I don't know, maybe they shave each other. Doesn't that just excite you? This is so going to be a post."

J: "You can't do that, then your mom will know you've seen porn."

Me: "Hell, she found my high school diary. What could be worse than that?"

Before bed I asked if he thought they could airbrush me into Pamela Anderson. To which he replied "really, her? why????" I assured him that no I don't want to look like Pamela, it's just the first name that came to my mind.

I miss having my best friend around...
The following link is a hilarious story involving two authors of blogs I read. That reminds me, I have to add Mighty Girl to my link list. J is probably my best friend in the world, but there is a rhyme and reason why one should also have a best friend of the same gender. Shelli come back so we can check out porn and buy matching vibrators. hee hee

The Reason To Go To A Sex Shop

I have re-mastered the art of the gum wrapper chain and now my life is fulfilled!!
Oh crap, no quite yet. I have to remember how to make the cootie catcher.

Gum Wrapper Chain

Metamucil - does not help the pooping. If you have the desire to be constipated, take Metamucil. If you would like to poop regularly, this product is not recommended.

Summer t.v. sucks! I find myself aimlessly wandering the channels hoping something will intrigue and yet no, nothing beams out the lazy glory that I desire. I am watching more Sci-Fi than ever expected and I missed the winner of Hell's Kitchen. I need to know, was it Michael or Ralph that will be getting their own restaurant?

I'm bored just sitting here typing this. I have that lackadaisical feeling where I am "lacking life, spirit, or zest" (this portion brought to you by www.m-w.com) I hate it when I'm lacking my zest. It is a wonderful seasoning, that zest, it is.

I have this wonderful idea, or at least I think it is, for cake decorating. Should I try to invent and sell this or not? Sugar paper templates. What I would do is create a template out of sugar paper that is cut-out to a specific design (Yu-Gi-Oh's head for example). Then, this paper is colored to all the proper colors of the character. The hair would be lightly colored yellow, his outfit blue, etc. The paper is then set on the cake for decorating. You can pipe on the proper colors because the template shows you and it is the design, you don't have to try and free hand it. The reason I want it cut-out to the design and not just a 9x13 sheet with the design in the middle is because what if you want white icing on your cake and just colored on the design. The cut-out can then be placed on top of the base icing and not be visible because your icing over it.

Anyway, long story short... I just don't see the need to go buy actual cake pans shaped to characters and it can get tedious trying to either free hand the design or use a paper template that you have to remove. The sugar paper would just dissolve or have no distinguishable flavor. Therefore, you wouldn't even know it was there.
I know this sounds similar to edible photo paper that is made now, but I'm just not a big fan of that. I like the actual piped icing.

Well, what do you think? Does this already exist? Am I having someone else's previous brainstorm? I must research now to see if a product like this exists.

I just wanted to send a quick note out to all that got married this weekend.
My brother took the plunge on Friday night and a past co-worker got married on Saturday.

To all:

I wish you a blessed new life as man and wife. I have been blessed time and again in my marriage and I can only hope you experience the same. Marriage is a trial of both good and bad. Sometimes the bad just seems to overwhelm the good. In these times, just be assured that you now have a partner and a friend to share the obstacles and you can begin to lift each other over the hurtles. In the times that are happy, there is no greater joy than to have someone to share your smiles, your hugs, and most of all your laughter.

Please share your laughter and your tears for many years. There is no greater gift man could receive than a partner to share his life with.

Congrats to all!

btw: J, I love you more today than yesterday and not as much as tomorrow. Thank you for being my husband.